Is Tim Tebow A Closet Phone Sex Lover?

Filed Under Douchebag Loser, jewish princess humiliation, Jewish Princess Mailbag, Major Niteflirt Loser, Phone Session, Super Geek, Totally Random

In another round of loser fan mail today comes this awesome religious based love letter. It’s not often that someone trys to save a filthy Jewish girl like me but then sometimes a gift like this comes along. He signed off Timmy, I wonder if its the one and only Tim Tebow trying to save my Jewish soul. God only knows the answer to this one!

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Melissa, do you know who said that? King David. I echo his sentiments. I leave you now, with fine memories of the road we walked together for a while. I trust you found some enjoyment from it as I did. You see, I have a God to whom I must return, and, as much of a thrill as it is to be with you, it is with Him that I belong.

You have been given beauty, intelligence, and the beginning of wisdom. Go paint a life of celebration and joy!

There is one who loves you more than I or your boyfriend ever could. He is Jesus, the Christ, and He stands in front of you with His arms wide open, saying, “Melissa, come to me and I will give you peace.” My prayer, dear Melissa, is that one day you will accept His invitation as I once did.

Love my gorgeous friend, Timmy”

Seriously, even I can’t make this shit up. Whomever you are Timmy sorry but not gonna happen.