Jerk Off Your Loser Dick, Obey And Pay Princess Melissa 

Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Hey losers, like I have time for this shit, I’m busy on the phone cash raping your wallets. So here’s what you get, a new pay-to-view. Submit and get under my sweet ass and Princess pussy and stroke that loser little cock for Princess Melissa!  You WILL stroke to me today, you will be dominated by my beauty and obey my natural perfect Jewish Princess body. Pay now you fucking gawking loser and do as you’re!

Another Day Another Dick Sucker

Filed Under Jewish Princess Mailbag, Phone Sex Email, Sexpert Sex Advice, Super Geek, Total Sissy, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

I’m always asked what kind of calls do you get the most of and well, there’s obviously a ton of closet dick suckers out there. Every day is a new dick sucker just waiting to have himself exposed or fantasize about being outed to suck cock.

Randy has proven to be a great cock sucker for me, he’s already had 7 cocks in the past month. I’m so proud!  Another day, another dick sucker.

Hi, I’m Randy , It is a huge fantasy of mine to have a dominant Jewish Princess make me suck some real cock. I would love to have you place an ad on craigslist etc. so that you have complete control and you instructing me which cocks to suck, with you on the phone whilst I’m sucking too – making me do it for you. I’m a little nervous about swallowing cum too as I don’t want to gag but I really want to swallow, so that I can give the best blow job. Just to clarify, I want to do this for real, with you placing the ad and finding the cocks you want me to suck (I ask for it to be this way as I feel knowing as little about the cocks I’m going to suck is a huge turn on and is more exciting).I’m not sure if you’ve done a scenario like this before but if you’re happy to do this, I’m interested to know if you want to do it exactly like this or do it slightly different. I don’t mind it’s up to you.I also have some poppers which I’d love for you to instruct me when and how to take them. I really like the idea of not having ANY CONTROL. It would be really great if you threw in some twists of your own too, I don’t mind if you want me to drink or wear certain things…whatever you say, I will do, would love if you were getting me to do things I would never normally do (I should let you know that I’m really not into having my ass penetrated though).This would be an on-going thing, with you instructing me things to do and prepare until our next call. And anytime you want me to call, email me and I will do exactly as you tell me.


Sissy Sponsor Samantha

Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Sissy slut Samantha is desperate for his sissy side to be exposed to the world. I thought I would help him get the word out by allowing him to be totally pathetic and paying for advertisement space on my site.
I thought it was suitable to pay $500 for a link on my site just to be able to see how much of a sissy this tramp Samantha is. I’m still waiting for him to go through a fast food drive through in his full on sissy outfit complete with wig and full makeup. I’d be really satisfied if he was doused in cheap slutty Victoria Secret body spray.
Click and laugh people!

The One About The Damsel In Distress Fantasy

Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

New hysterical fanboy phone sex request from another moron who must not have paid attention to who I am besides just some hot bitch that got his dick hard on Niteflirt.

“I was curious about if you take any requests for custom pictures. I wanted to inquire about possibly commissioning 3-4 custom pictures and what the price range would be. I have a fetish for damsels in distress and girls tied and gagged, so the pictures would be of you with a scarf, sock, or cloth tied between your teeth like a gag and with a look of fear and anger on your face. The more dramatic and cheesy, the better! Let me know if that’s possible and what you think an appropriate tribute price would be, thanks!”

Dear douche bomb, take the time to do your homework before you come to me with some stupid request. Do I look like I would ever be a damsel in stress to get your loser fantasy off. Dramatic and cheesy photos for you to put your tiny cock in your hand and jack off to me over and over while im looking like some dumb bitch in distress. Get real dummy, the only distress you’re going to see is your fugly small cock while you’re gagged with my fresh fucked cream pie panties. If you want that photo set it’s going to cost you $50,000 so let me know! Oh yeah, thats not a negotiable rate.

Princesses Long Island Recap 2 – This Is Why They Hate Us

Filed Under Sexpert Sex Advice, Totally Random, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment


What is there left to say about Bravo? The channel that once brought us Pavarotti now brings us Princesses: Long Island. The latest episode, “Shabbocalypse Now” is of course a new low for TV, but cheer up, there are eight episodes left!

My only reaction, besides pity for whomever had to sit and watch all the footage of these hens, is that this is why they hate us. These girls and their ilk are the reason for anti-semitism, which makes them responsible for everything from the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem to the Holocaust. Fuck, after watching this shit, even I hate the Jews.

I exaggerate only a little.

Before I get to recapping, a note on the show bumpers, which are a quick succession of shots of giant mansions and the LIRR. News Flash: none of these bitches live in a mansion, they live in average North Shore homes with Formica counters from the 80s. I bet there’s still a bathroom with mirrored wallpaper in there somewhere. But I digress.

We start off at the shop where Babs works in Great Nose. They just got a big shipment in. Cavalli! Animal print! Amanda and Babs look at clothes and ogle hideous outfits and even more hideous women. This episode is really off to a great start! Fascinating!

Joey stops by and sort of apologizes for letting her friend call Jeff a faggot, which, duh. Amanda sort of accepts this apology. Will you bitches do something interesting already?

Next up, Chanel and Ashlee, AKA The Fidget, head off to the city to pick up guys at a club. They chat with The Fidget’s parents, and reveal, for about the twentieth time in two episodes, how deeply and pathetically desperate these chicks are. I can still smell it in my living room right now. The Fidget makes the craziest faces, like she is in a constant state of having just smelled shit. Even when she smiles.

Anyway, after forcing The Fidget’s dad to get her brush from upstairs, they head off to go clubbing with a new cast member, Casey. But before Casey shows up at the club, the tranny waitress tells them that it’s gay night, which they couldn’t figure out for themselves even though they have the only vaginas in the room. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, ladies.

Casey shows up and — surprise — she’s not a cow with a hatchet face. But still — fuck, marry, kill the Princesses? Tough one, right? Admit it, you want to kill them all. Casey lives in the city and is a waitress at 1 Oak, which is what the Whiskey Bar used to be. Table-service douchebags and the women who love them.

For some reason, even though they are hunting for husbands, they decide to stay at the gay bar and dance with the queens. Casey leaves, and then nine minutes in to the episode, SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING THAT ISN’T POINTLESS.

Chanel reveals to The Fidget that ten fucking years ago, Erica stole Casey’s boyfriend. Will there be hair-pulling? I hope there’s hair-pulling.

After the break, Erica and her boyfriend Rob are double-dating with Amanda and my boy, Jeff. Fuck you Bravo for making me wait 15 minutes for my favorite fegalah. Jeff swishes in, likely from his lace panties riding up his ass. My guess is he was on the phone doing femme-domme within the previous 24 hours.

And now we have our first pointless Manichewitz reference of the evening.

We learn how Amanda and Jeff met. Jeff stalked her for two weeks on the Port Washington Line of the LIRR, went shopping for a new outfit, then chatted her up. Shopping. I love Jeff, he’s the star of the show.

And then there’s Rob, who’s deserves our pity. He pined away for Erica when she was the It Girl and got zero play while she slutted around Nassau County with everyone else’s boyfriend. Now, when she is way the fuck past her prime, but still a stuck up bitch, he gets her. All those years he laid on his back in bed at night, tugging on his tiny cock and thinking of Erica, and now he’s stuck with this worn out, tired old cow. Be careful of what you wish for.

They talk about a Shabbos dinner that Chanel is doing catered in the Hamptons. This will undoubtably be where the hair-pulling will be. Please let there be hair pulling. Then Erica starts kissing Rob, and Jeff is all, “oh shit, that’s what straight guys do,” and he starts kissing Amanda. The whole thing is super gross.

I’m thinking about Jeff’s voice. Gay Al Gore? Anyone?

Chanel comes over to Casey’s mom’s place where Casey is looking through her art. Because she is an artist. Then we get Casey’s side of the story. Her father left her mother for another woman and then she went out with a guy in high school who left he for Erica. Casey is still very sad. Bitch, please. Move on.

I’m feeling like hair-pulling is a definite possibility at this point.

After the break, Joey comes over to Erica’s. They drink wine, because. Joey tells us again how hot Erica was in high school, which is really hard to imagine looking at her now. Joey tells Erica that not only did she sleep with Casey’s boyfriend back then, she also slept with Joey’s boyfriend. Oops. Unlike Casey, Joey’s over it, but she still thinks Erica is a home wrecking cunt.

Next we’re with Casey and her mom. Mom is the most sensible person on the show, and I hope she stays away for her own dignity. Casey is pretty much obsessed with Erica. She should just kiss her I think.

The girls get on the party bus to the Hamptons, but not before some more wallowing in their desperation for a man. The Fidget is wearing 6″ heels that look like they’re five sizes too big for her. Erica rides the stripper pole. She talks about masterbating and The Fidget can’t deal. They drink wine, because.

Jeff picks up Amanda and Babs wants to come along. She does that because she is very lonely, and she’s scared of what will happen if her daughter leaves. Babs: orange on the outside, oh so blue on the inside.

The party bus arrives at the Hamptons place and the Princesses file in. The Fidget finds a stain on her sheets and calls mommy. Really now. But luckily, she brought her own sheets, which she does whenever she goes away, “unless its The Ritz.” Bitch has never been to The Ritz in Paris, dollars to doughnuts.

The Princesses primp for Shabbos dinner, but it looks more like preparations for a busy Saturday night at a Venetian whorehouse. Casey shows up wearing a headband. What is with these bitches and headbands?

And we have our second pointless Manichewitz reference.

The drama begins immediately as Casey blows off Erica when she walks in. Ooo snap.

A quick note on brows. Ladies, power brows do not make up for shallowness, and they certainly do not make your ugly faces pretty. You all need someone new to do your brows.

Shabbos dinner progresses with some Jew shit, Baruch atta Adonai. Erica eats like a fucking pig, hunched over her food, like someone might snatch it from her, and she talks with her mouth open. Casey is growing sicker and sicker. Either kiss her or pull her hair, godamnit! It’s Shabbos!

When Erica goes on a pointless monologue about meditation, Casey has had enough and tells her repeatedly that she is full of shit. Because she is full of shit.

Erica leaves the table, crying because Casey is mean. Casey is also crying because she is living in the past. Somehow, The Fidget refrains from crying.

And then it’s over. Yes, they ended the episode in the middle of a fight, because the show is so lame they needed to stretch the fight out to two episodes. How pathetic.

To sum up:

1. Princesses: Long Island is so Bad for the Jews that it makes me hate the Jews.

2. Jeff is the gayest thing on all of Bravo. Call me Jeff, I’ll get a dildo up your ass before you know it.

3. This show is so lame that they have to stretch a simple fight out to two episodes. Say what you want about the housewives, but this sort of shit is just an appetizer to them.

4. There was no hair-pulling

See you next week.

keep looking »