Not A Nice Jewish Girl » Totally Random

Shana Tova Happy New Year To My Tribe

Princess Melissa — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 18:18:53 +0000

Talk To A Real Jewish Princess, Call Me On Niteflirt

Lighten Up Loser It’s Just Sex!

Princess Melissa — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:33:56 +0000

Hey dorks, it’s Jewish Princess mailbag fun time. There’s always some humorless douche out there who wants to spoil the party isn’t there? I wanted to share this awesome email I got from a serious man, I can only imagine what this nebbish looks like.
“Melissa, I’m not sure what you are trying to achieve with your website, but I would kindly ask you to consider the negative image which you are generating against the Jewish people. You are perpetuating a negative stereotype of Jews which we have worked so hard over the years to eradicate. You are portraying us (at best) as snobbish, materialistic, uncaring, non-observant elitists. There are always exceptions to the rule, but you know as well as I that the majority of Jews don’t fall into this category. In Talmud Torah, we were taught to practice sh’mira ha, lashon, or guarding our speech at all times. If you are putting out falsehood, then you are guilty of motzi shem ra, or making a bad name or reputation against a person or group. I hope you take this to heart. You should also demonstrate modesty by not showing off your body for everyone to see. This indicates a lack of self-respect and self-esteem. I don’t mean to appear to be lecturing you, but your motives are questionable and they baffle me.
Warm regards”
Like seriously dude pull the yarmulke from your ass and lighten the fuck up! My favorite part of this letter is where he says “your motives are questionable and they baffle me.
Really? Is it that hard to figure out? What baffles me is religious people who have their heads so far shoved up some bullshit book they follow. Figures the guy is just like the stereotype of a cheap Jew and didn’t have the balls to pay and call and ask me.

Talk To A Real Jewish Princess, Call Me On Niteflirt

Phone Sex Tips For The Moronic

Princess Melissa — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 20:41:11 +0000

Here I am with some phone sex tips for the moronic losers of Generation L like YOU. Now I don’t know about other ladies of the sexual telephony game but I do know all about myself. And what I’m going to offer up are some tips about calling someone like myself on Niteflirt.
1. Please don’t call me up and say “I’m laying bed” when its the middle of the afternoon. That annoys me like so much, get your lazy ass out of bed.
2. Have a personality and not sit there like a fucking mute. I’m not a robot you think because you’re paying me I should sit there and do all the talking and perform like some monkey. You pay for the privilege of speaking TO me. Not for me to talk AT you.
3. It’s an adult chat line not a psychic hotline I don’t know what you want. It’s called communication so tell me what you want to talk about and when I ask you don’t say “I don’t know” unless you’re prepared for me to really go off on you.
4.Have something other to say then Uh huh, Yeah, yep, Mmmhmm. When I’m trying to make conversation and all I get out of you is “yeah, Uh huh” I’m about ready to kick you in the nuts. Speak up you dumb stroke money.
6. Please stop calling and trying to have a soft seductive voice. It makes me cringe when I get some of you losers calling up trying to sound sexy. Howling wolves would make my pussy more wet then your non sexy voice.
7. When you tell me you want to be blackmailed and throw me all your most likely fake personal information it really kinda ruins the fantasy for blackmail you morons. Anyone who really want’s to be blackmailed isn’t passing out the information. Seriously shmucks talking about putting me to sleep.
8. Don’t call my IGNORE line and try talking to me because it’s a bit less expensive then my other lines. It’s really not going to work, you’re not being clever thinking that I don’t know.
9. When you call and tell me your stroking your cock I kinda wanna gag, Do you think I want to know that you’re sitting there with your grody slob knob in your hand. Unless I ask if your fucking your fist save the information for someone who gives a shit.
That’s my rant on that for now, i’m sure I’ll add to the list but I’m tired of thinking about it.
Oh look it’s another one of my sissy boy callers in a girly get up! Call me for some sissification or to help turn you into a Jappy Jewish Princess just like me.

Talk To A Real Jewish Princess, Call Me On Niteflirt

Playing Passover Financial Domiantion Games Princess Style

Princess Melissa — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:51:55 +0000

Happy Passover to all my Jew boy worship bitch’s. Are you prepared for your four questions? I’m going to guess the majority of you cheeto dicks have no idea what Passover is. Educate yourself and read about Passover .
My 2 job hard working mule boy Billy played a little life of leisure Passover financial domination game with me. I gave him my own custom four questions that he needed to respond properly. Each response resulted in having to send me an Amazon gift card the better he could respond to the questions the less it cost him. As you can see the bitch boy ended up $800 deep into pampering me. As he got his education on Passover and hiding the matzoh, I was busy with my pretty little feet perched up spending away. Jealous much you foot fanatic boys.
As I’m making my Chocolate Caramel Matzo for dessert at passover dinner tonight new caller Mike the loser Jewboy called me on Niteflirt to be made fun of. His voice sounded familiar, oh wait it was just the sound of a whiny nerdy Jew boy that I know so well. He told me that I looked like a girl he went to school with that was a total bitch. So I started singing my loser song to him and that was all it took to make the geek my bitch. I need to go get my nails done now, Thanks for the spa gift cards! I want more so march your asses to my amazon wish list and send them over to your Jewish Princess.

Frum Porn Fascinating Funny

Princess Melissa — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:00:08 +0000

Hey dorks, So like I have a new obsession, after reading an article in Jewcy.com about frum porn I immediately became obsessed. What is Frum Porn you ask? Take a moment to read this article in Jewcy.com about it.
One of the best postings I saw was a man who wanted to hook up with another man and dress up in his Frum wifes clothing for him. How many of you losers would want to beat your meat to me in a long ugly denim skirt and hair done up and covered!

Dear Frum porn fanatics, I’m less guilt but all the fun and more!
You’ve got that itch to try a little something new and exciting outside that wall of life you’re behind. I’m a not so nice Jewish Girl that can probably help your needs. Try something safer and much more intriguing. Come tell me all your secrets and confess to the Jewish Princess Melissa.

I wanted to post a few craigslist Frum fanatics postings that really tickled my bouncy fanny.

Zayde Wants to Fuck a Young Frum Jewish Woman – m4w – 66 (Anywhere)
Live out your fantasy. Be 18+ thin and hot. Orthodox. Pic is a plus.

I Am a Cute Jewish Frum Guy – m4w – 25 (Midwwod)
Hi,
I am looking for a woman who just wants to have some fun. If your stuck in a crummy situation or just want to step out of your current life for a moment…a moment of heavenly pleasure, then you owe it to yourself to send a message, and get your needs met.
I AM 100% REAL
I am not here to waste your time.

Heeb Magazine Super Jew Stern Fan Roundtable

Princess Melissa — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:04:01 +0000

Check out what I have to say in Heeb Magazine about rumors flying around the internet about Howard Stern going on American Idol to replace Simon Cowell. Check out what I have to say in the Heeb Superfan roundtable.

Finally Jappy Does Facebook… At least for you perverts

Princess Melissa — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:34:39 +0000

I’ve been asked a zillion times if I have a Facebook page, Of course I have a Facebook page and that page is private with my REAL friends on it. As if I want you dorkos totally stalking me and my friends and all my personal information and picture. NOT!
So, I finally made a page dedicated just for perverts and Jappy Princess lusters to join.
Quit your whining now, click and join. While your at it go send me some cash and give your day a purpose.

JappyPrincess Melissa | Create Your Badge

Comedy Mail From The Ignorant Shmuck Mailbag

Princess Melissa — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:53:15 +0000

I love waking up to a a good laugh but this was such a great email I had to share.
Here is the love note from the adoring shmuck who has some serious anger issues with Jewish Women.
———————-
“OK … here’s how I know you are NOT a Jap. LOL
1) JAPS don’t wear braces, and if they have to, they don’t wear the old metal kind like the chick in the picture.
2) JAPS don’t move from Manhattan to “the Valley”. The valley is full of WASPS, and can’t hold a candle to NYC. A true JAP would not be caught dead in the Valley, so your mother moving there is unlikely. Manhattan is the center of the WORLD … no self respecting JAP would ever leave it.
3) You fingernails are WAY too short for a JAP… hell, they aren’t even attractive, and all JAPS have hot nails. You don’t … at least not yet. They look like little baby nails. My cock would look really big in your hands. Oh wait… jewish girls dont ever really TOUCH cock, do they?
————————–
Yo goy boy Roy,
I haven’t had braces since 4th grade but nice try on that, As far as “The Valley” being full of WASPS, your ignorance really shines through on that comment but nice try. If Manhattan is the center of the world I think you should expand your travels and learn a little something about other places your ignorance in travel is really showing with that statement.
My fingernails are too short? Wake up dumb fuck this isn’t New Jersey circa 1994 with long tacky nails. Oh yeah and we DO touch cock. Just not yours.
Thanks for the fun email!!!

Hey Dork Which Douchebag Are You?

Princess Melissa — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:28:31 +0000

A lot of people think the guys who call me are just big fat balding losers. Well ok, there are plenty of those who are calling and while that’s not the case for all my subbies and phone sex junkies, I would say the majority of callers are just straight up douchebags. Attractive, fit hair styled, bottom line you’re still just douchebags in my eyes. This clip says it all, now raise your hand when you see that image of yourself floating across the screen.
You may be the idiot who laughs at his own joke, or the loud dumb fuck who tries to show off in front of his sexy dumb bunny broad of a bimbo girlfriend. Truth be told, a good majority of you losers reading this right now are one of these guys, and if you’re not then I assure you, you know him. A Jappy Jewish Princess would NEVER date a shmuck like YOU or these tools.

We Are Douchebags – watch more funny videos

Jewish Princess Jappy Foot Fetish Tease Teaser

Princess Melissa — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:53:06 +0000

Hey dorkalicious Jewish Princess lovers, I know its been a whole week since you’ve been able to get a piece of my preciousness and you miss me terribly. Napa has been beautiful and stunning and I even custom blended, bottled and corked my own wine and called it Chateau De Melee. I made a delicious Bordeaux blend and I will not be sharing any of it with you.
I’ve decided after this getaway that now I want a vineyard and my own winery. I need to really kick up the cash pile from you piggys to make that happen. If there is a wine slave out there reading this, I want to have you buy me some wine club memberships. Seriously, like I’m going to pay for it! The hotel I was at was all rich older wasps and newley married honeymooners having the last good sex of their lives. My boyfriend even noticed a few of the newlywed men staring at my body as I strolled back and forth around the pool to show off my big round ass in my bikini bottoms.
I would strut around and talk loud just to do what I do best, get attention. What can I say, I’m hotter then YOUR wife. Time for me to soak in the last of my trip and I will be back later tonight and back to taking calls.
I posted a foot fetish teaser clip on Youtube to make you boys weak for more of my royal Jewish Princess feet. The feet that own you, the feet that will control your life. Submit to the Chosen One, ME!