In another edition of What A Total Phone Sex Freak we have a new low in what has appeared on web cam. First of course i’m going to post his pathetic email showing everyone how much of a loser freak we are clearly dealing with. I have to say to my surprise usually the guys who go on cam are normal looking but, this creep looks like Rumpelstiltskin or an extra from Cheech and Chong as old men. Can you believe the sick ass bush on this cave man freak! If I saw this guy walking around my neighborhood I would wonder what bridge he lived under. I have to admit he was just way too disgusting for me to deal with so I had to terminate the call. No amount of money could get me to sit and deal with this ram rod shoving his dick in a fruit or inserting a delicious carrot up his nasty ass pussy. I could only imagine what he looked like from the waist down but, there was no way my eyes or mind could handle that. Back to berating bitch boys, manicures and a 2 hour massage today that some goy toy in St Petersburg, Florida paid for. Best part about that is he tells me he’s a Pastor. More on that development if he becomes interesting,

“Hi gorgeous,

Do you do Skype? I would love to do a session with you. Let me explain the kind of kink I’m into and, if it sounds like something you could do, let me know. I am not really into “domination,” but I am into “humiliation.” I’d like to find a woman who will either video or photograph me while I do degrading things, like fuck a grapefruit, or ram a carrot up my butt, or hit myself hard in the nuts, finger paint my cock … that kind of thing. I show my face and give my real name, and have posted this kind of video on XTube — anything to sexually degrade myself in public. Anyway, the key is the pictures/videos. I’ve set up sessions before only to find out the girl couldn’t (or wouldn’t) take pictures. If you want to do this, I’d love to set up a session, mostly because you look hot and, unlike most girls on here, also look smart.”

Phone sex freak of the week is back and more pathetic then ever! I got really excited one of the mose hilarious phone sex losers came back to me with this pathetic email.

Dear Jappy,

So Wonderful to see You online again!  i am hoping You can help me, I am hoping we can do a call and combine 2 of my favorite passions— panties and couch humping!  My mother in law Lois wears big girl granny panties!  Hanes brand nylon and Vanity Fair silky nylon panties they are ginormous!  size 11!  When i slip them on i get really horny and i have discovered that i can slide my clit stick into the seam of my couch—  and hump it! Hoping You would be willing to do a call and haze and humiliate me while i am doing the nasty with her granny panties.

Adoration,

granny panty humper  xox”

You all may remember him from a previous awesome post that you can find here  where I mocked his loser fetish and made fun of his super tiny teenis penis. He came back and we had the best conversation about Lois his big fat ass mother in law with the giant jungle of grey beaver hair that he wants to stuff his minuscule dick into . Sorry did I just make you throw up?

Welcome back Jappy! Yeah, I know I havent been keeping up with my rantings but ya know, Febuary the month of extra love was the month of Jappy Euro – Middle East tour 2012. I was busy 5 star First Class globe hopping. From London to Paris I stayed in the most decadent hotels that only a Palace rating would suffice in Paris. Nothing less for a dominating Jewish Princess like me of course. I ended up extending my stay in Paris because one of my European cash sluts couldn’t bear the thought of me not getting an entire week in Paris. He’s a real authentic online financial domination expert pay pig slut. He can meet my greedy expectations and undersands when I whine that I want more that I’m going to get MORE. He extended our Palace stay at Le Meurice and loaded me up with 3 grand to shop with for the next 3 days. That was enough to cover dinner, fabulous wine and some beautiful art thats being shipped. That’s right, my life IS better then yours AND you pay for it! You pay for it AND you LOVE it!
Isn’t it nice knowing you and your loser family get as far as Florida or Mexico for a big trip and then here I am going First Class and you back in coach and you paying for MY upgraded life. You jerk off’s love me don’t you! So, here I am back on Niteflirt and Myphonesite taking calls.  Back to listing to your perverted thoughts and dreams while I mock you and laugh at you about them.  I love how so many of you phone sex callers couldn’t wait to get me back to humiliating you and insulting you! First up was this fat fucking loser jelly rolls boy. He couldn’t wait to get on webcam and pay me to make him pull on his fat rolls and then draw and circle every flaw on his body. As you might imagine we had him totally drawn he because he’s such a repulsive loser full of defects! I worked this pay pig over for a few hundred, not a bad way to kick off my homecoming. Lets work on making it even better I have more luxury vacations to book that you need to pay for. After all I am the chosen one!

Hey freaks and geeks, this is a really gem of an email I received. I’m alway asked to tell crazy phone sex stories and this loser takes the cake with this freaky email. This loser is going to have to pay double my rate for me to role play that insane performance. Granted I would be amazing at it, I’m not really that into it but yet, it could be really amazing and well the humiliation stories after might be worth it. What do you suppose happened to this fucktard in childhood to conjure up this shit?

“I was looking at your profile and I was hoping we can do some calls. I should tell you about some fantasies of mine so maybe we can do some things on the fantasies. I thought it best to explain them some in an e-mail because you may not really be interested roleplaying them.

I would say that these fantasies started developing very early on in my child hood. I think most peoples kink tends to begin its evolution from that point in a persons life. I remember a dream that I had as a child. In the dream I was trapped inside of a car. There was no way out; the doors wouldn’t open. On the floor of the car there was this belt like things. I guess you could compare it to a small waist belt; less the buckle. The belt became animated and flew up from the floor; wrapping around the shifter in the center consul. It then started moving down the shifter and into the inner workings of the car. All I really knew was that something bad would happen when it got where it was going. It was going to cause something to happen that would hurt me. The car would normally be a safe feeling environment; something meant to protect you. It was about to be used against me to hurt me though. I think this was the key moment that sparked something deep down inside me to begin to develop. Over the years many other things contributed to its evolution; it came together with other fetishes and Ideas from horror and sci fi movies to grow into what it is today. The basic idea that is at the core of all the fantasies be it demonic, monsters, aliens… etc. is that something that is bad for me in some way uses a women to gain form for the purpose of getting to me. It would gain this from by infiltrating her reproductive system using it to develop a physical form when it had no physical form to begin with or if it was alien or monster it would start out as something small and harmless like pollen from an alien plant or a small monster/creature of some kinda would get into the womens womb in some way. Once there it would combine with her eggs and begin to grow inside her. It would all happen quickly. While it was growing inside her it would be forcing her body into orgasm after orgasm; preparing her pussy for it to come out by getting her all lubed up. when it finished growing; the orgasms would get more intense. It would cause her to feel compelled to spread her legs and start pushing. The more she pushed the more she would orgasm and the harder she would orgasm. It would not be like real child birth. It would be more so like the most intense sexual experience of her life. The things that come out of her would not be big to the point of incredible pain but big enough to hurt some, like a sexual kinda pain. The things coming out would be about the size of a larger, tentacley dildo or something. So one fantasy would be something along the lines of my girlfriend and I are out someplace secluded and some creature hiding there is threaten by my presence. so the vines of the plant would restrain us and the plant would then violate my girl friend to utilized her reproductive system for it to breed some kinda soldier/drone version of the plant that would mean harm to me because it does not want me there. I would be helpless to stop this from happening and have to watch my girlfriend be used to create and give birth to this thing that was coming after me. Another example would be from the movie Aliens with Sigourney Weaver. Any of the 10 Alien movies that have come out since the first one in 1986. In my version of Aliens. The face huger alien would go after my girlfriend and grab onto her pelvic region and pump all that stuff up into her womb. Soon after the baby alien would come out of her pussy and then grow into the bigger badder alien that the movie is known for.”

Anyone who’s read my site before is no stranger to the fact that I get insane calls and even more rediculous emails from callers. So many people ask me what kind of guys call phone sex lines and what do they talk about well, there are some like this schmuck. Ok so like, there’s this guy who calls one of my phone sex lines and I would say most of my calls are all relatively the same kinda call. Your basic loser humiliation, sissy blah blah you get the idea call. But then we have the gems that roll around every once and a while.
This freak who calls tells me he wants to be my dog and have me talk to him like he’s a dog. Take him for walks, to the park etc and fetch me money. If that wasn’t weird enough at the same time he wants me to keep hanging up on him and raise my per minute call rate each time. So after the rate has climbed a bit a little past $5.00 a minute he tells me as he’s panting like a freak that he wants to get jumped by other dogs and sniff their butts. While I’m taking this call I happen to be having drinks with my girlfriends and I put it on speaker phone. We were cracking up, how lucky for them to get to hear a higher echelon of losers who call phone sex lines with their freaky fetishes.
We got him to $10.00 a min as he was fetching our money ball and then getting his butt sniffed by the other imaginary dogs at the park.
Hysterical right? But the real funny part is this freak calls me the next day and wants to do the same thing over again and says “you wouldn’t video tape it would you” I respond with yes, I would video tape it and his response is “You’re weird” and hangs up on me.
Did I actually get called weird by what could be one of the top 20 weird calls i’ve EVER taken? Now that is comedy.
What do you think about that people? Comments welcome.

In another round of loser fan mail today comes this awesome religious based love letter. It’s not often that someone trys to save a filthy Jewish girl like me but then sometimes a gift like this comes along. He signed off Timmy, I wonder if its the one and only Tim Tebow trying to save my Jewish soul. God only knows the answer to this one!

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Melissa, do you know who said that? King David. I echo his sentiments. I leave you now, with fine memories of the road we walked together for a while. I trust you found some enjoyment from it as I did. You see, I have a God to whom I must return, and, as much of a thrill as it is to be with you, it is with Him that I belong.

You have been given beauty, intelligence, and the beginning of wisdom. Go paint a life of celebration and joy!

There is one who loves you more than I or your boyfriend ever could. He is Jesus, the Christ, and He stands in front of you with His arms wide open, saying, “Melissa, come to me and I will give you peace.” My prayer, dear Melissa, is that one day you will accept His invitation as I once did.

Love my gorgeous friend, Timmy”

Seriously, even I can’t make this shit up. Whomever you are Timmy sorry but not gonna happen.

Happy New Year to all my naughty Jewish Princess addicts. I ended 2011 on a really high note and I mean that literally. New Years Eve was amazing. If you follow my Twitter you would have read about all the fun I was having that you caller worship slaves paid for. I had a small dinner party with my snobby Jewish best friends and we indulged in a fantastic catered dinner and a few bottles of Dom Perignon to ring in the new year. My well hung JAP boyfriend gave me the last bang of 2011 and it was time to pass out. We woke up and started the New Year in full on snobby Jewish Princess style with hits from the vaporizer, omelets and Mimosas made with 2004 Louis Roederer Cristal Brut. Thanks slave Daniel for the Cristal to kick things off right. That’s right, my New Years kicked off more decadent then yours. My resolutions this year are to use my losers twice as hard, cash rape and blackmail twice the amount of my femdom followers and shop even more then ever. More luxury travel paid for by nerds like you. Let’s all raise a glass and give a cheers to more humiliating phone bone for 2012! Open those wallets and get to spoiling your favorite dirty naughty Jewish girl.

Happy Monday fans, geeks and Jewish Princess lovers across the globe. So did you see this new show out called Virgin Diaries? It’s about adult virgins, some get married and have their first kiss and get laid. The show gives new meaning to bumping uglies, seriously the premiere episode had this couple who got married and had their first kiss and it was truly the most frightening thing I’ve ever seen. Seriously they deserve an award for the worst on screen kissing ever. Congrats TLC on another shitty show that has nothing to do with learning.
On to my losers, The awesome loser letters never stop coming in, so lets take a good laugh at this cock sucking wannabe sissy. Enjoy the show turds!
“my name is mike (i like to go by Heather) and i saw your profile and was really hoping to chat with you. i think that you are absolutely gorgeous and might be the very one who can possibly help me with my specific fantasy because we like some of the same things. i hope you love to talk as well that is a necessity.
to describe myself i am 5 ft 7 in tall with long dark hair and blue eyes and no body hair. I’m very submissive.
i have 2 huge fetishes. one is lingerie bikinis panties and all types of erotic clothes. i love all materials… satin lace leather except for plain cotton. And all colors especially pink blue white. i love playing dressup helping you dress and hearing you specifically describe what you like to wear and why in detail.
i also have a very big blowjob fetish. i love seeing a sexy beauty dressed sexily or slutty and giving a blowjob. i love hearing her describe what she loves about blowjobs just as much. i am very very submissive in regards to both fetishes and have fantasized about a domme forcing and teaching me how to give the perfect blowjob even though i have never done it before.
often i fantasize about being controlled with a collar and leash on me or possibly in a cage and being used as a sexily dressed and restrained mouth to satisfy cock after cock and swallowing tons of cum.
i would love to speak with you. I’ve written many fantasy stories about what i’d like to have done to me by a domme a t girl or a couple. if you’re interested please contact me so we can chat in private.
thank you
Heather”

Happy back from Thanksgiving weekend, mine was absolutely decadent. Not that you’d expect anything other then that from this Jewish Princess. Our family friends have a winery up in Napa and my Jappy Boyfriend and I spent this year up there being wined and dined with the rich and a couple semi famous people. Oh look another gift has been bestowed upon me in the form of a Jewish submissive loser Lawyer named Larry. You all know I love showing off the freaks and losers who call me and here is a new one to add to the gallery of the sexually non gifted. From the first call it was love at first voice but it was really when he appeared on web cam that I nearly tinkled my La Perla panties with glee. I’m not sure if it was the flowing Farrah style wig or maybe it was the beard and the twinkle in his cock loving smile. Loser Larry is Jewish sissy from the Valley but lives in the OC now, he really doesn’t fit in the land of waspy goyim but he just can’t be himself here. He hates the fact that he was born a man so much that all he wants to do is get into that wig and slip on some lingerie to finally feel like the girl he was born to be.
He doesnt even jerk his cock off, he hates it and only rubs on it as if it’s his pussy. He’s really just a big fairy loser and he was just born that way. The really hysterical loser fun part is right before he’s going to make a big splooge of a mess he rubs on his clitty and starts to say over and over “We need to get rid of this diseased thing, We need to get rid of this diseased thing” and then Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! out comes the sissy lotion. Isn’t he just like totally hysterical he really makes me and everyone else who I’ve shared his photos with laugh our asses off. Well, its Cyber Monday and it looks like Im going to take all the awesome gift cards I got this weekend and use them up to by MYSELF whatever it is that I want. It’s always about Me isn’t it.

When I get idiot phone sex mail it feels like Hanukkah or for you goyim its that feeling like Christmas is near and you get fun things in your stocking. In today’s edition of Losers who send me hysterical pathetic phone sex emails we have resident idiot Michael.
“Hi..  Please respond if you are interested in my fantasy.
I would like to suck, gag and choke on my dildo while you relax with your pretty feet up and verbally abuse me without yelling.  When you want to hear me gag say “gag on dick” “when you want to hear me choke, say “chock on cock”. Only do the call please if you do not get grossed out by hearing a guy gag, choke and puke. You are free to do other things while I throat fuck myself like surf the web, read a book, study, watch tv. Just give me orders and verbally abuse my tiny 4 inch dick.  Also share with me how you will spend my money and how pathetic I am for paying you to abuse me. I will also be wearing panties, a black dress and nylon stockings, so feel free to tell me what a faggot bitch I am as well. Thanks!”
Clearly Michael doesn’t know me too well by reading this. A real submissive loser who knows me would know never ever to direct me on a call, ever. As if I care about your scripted fantasy loser! I say what I want to say when I want to say it. I love the part where he says “You are free to do other things like surf the web etc” Ohhhh wow really? I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want while on the call while listening to your stupid homo fantasy! Let’s be real about something here, this is no fantasy, we all know this freak actually has a needle dick and aches to have a cock crammed into his throat. Choke on THAT bitch!