Holidays With Jewish Princess Melissa And Heeb Magazine

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Happy Holiday’s I’m so glad Christmas is finally over, I guess the word got out this year that the cool thing to do on Christmas is order Chinese food. This year delivery was an hour and 1/2 wait, as if I want to wait that long for Chinese food, good thing I flirt with the manager all the time and called in and just gave him my best whiny sweet voice telling him there was like no way I could wait that long for my tangerine beef. He giggled and said he would place my order on top and I would be the first stop and my sizzling rice soup would be sizzling! See it like totally pay’s off to flirt with the manager of your fave Chinese joint.
If you didn’t already see it, the coolest hipster Jew rag (they didn’t even pay me to say that) Heeb Magazine wrote about me. Check it out nerd herd and if you’re a fellow heeb reading this and you don’t have a subscription then pony up and subscribe. Hell, even you non Semitic sheep should subscribe.

Heeb Magazine

Comedy Mail From The Ignorant Shmuck Mailbag

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I love waking up to a a good laugh but this was such a great email I had to share.
Here is the love note from the adoring shmuck who has some serious anger issues with Jewish Women.
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“OK … here’s how I know you are NOT a Jap. LOL
1) JAPS don’t wear braces, and if they have to, they don’t wear the old metal kind like the chick in the picture.
2) JAPS don’t move from Manhattan to “the Valley”. The valley is full of WASPS, and can’t hold a candle to NYC. A true JAP would not be caught dead in the Valley, so your mother moving there is unlikely. Manhattan is the center of the WORLD … no self respecting JAP would ever leave it.
3) You fingernails are WAY too short for a JAP… hell, they aren’t even attractive, and all JAPS have hot nails. You don’t … at least not yet. They look like little baby nails. My cock would look really big in your hands. Oh wait… jewish girls dont ever really TOUCH cock, do they?
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Yo goy boy Roy,
I haven’t had braces since 4th grade but nice try on that, As far as “The Valley” being full of WASPS, your ignorance really shines through on that comment but nice try. If Manhattan is the center of the world I think you should expand your travels and learn a little something about other places your ignorance in travel is really showing with that statement.
My fingernails are too short? Wake up dumb fuck this isn’t New Jersey circa 1994 with long tacky nails. Oh yeah and we DO touch cock. Just not yours.
Thanks for the fun email!!!

Total Loser Freaky Sissy Slut Niteflirt Whore

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Lucky losers feast your eyes on this treat for the day. Its time to bust out the Jappy Princess Niteflirt mailbag, We’ve got major loser mail to share!
I got this email from this life’s little reject who according to his profile has been a member since 2005. This email is so gross and pathetic and it looks like a form letter. I asked a couple other Niteflirt girls if they had gotten this email and they both started laughing and saying this freak has been sending this same freakish email out for years. Oh gee how could I have guessed that being he’s been on like forever! Just when you think you’ve read all the weirdest emails then comes along an even freakier one anxiously awaiting to be blogged.
These losers with these freak fantasies are the ones you have to wonder about. FREAK! !
Of course my fave part is the end where he says “messing up a fellow chick like me” FELLOW CHICK… Thanks for the chuckle sissy!

This is the form letter that he sends out, spell check much? ….. Enjoy reading.

“omg your bellybutton and tummy are totally yummy hot and soooo cute!!!!! deep breathe…ok… I will be honest with you…just remember this is very real!! i will really do this if you wanna try this!!….whimper…Please just bear with me and seriously give it thought about trying as I think we could have fun trying this..well you would have the fun i sure won’t! giggle!…..
Ok…this is humilating and kinda of icky I suppose but here it goes! im being totally serious here…..I found this glass candydish with a lid that has a point on it that comes to a point like..umm..i dunno..maybe 4 inches in the air? i checked and my wittle innie bellybutton goes in maybe like not quite an inch?? deep breathe…i was thinking..if you really wanna try to hurt my super cutie innie..i could slip on my wittle XS ( i wear like a size 0 most of the time so you know i could totally be made into your rag doll!) white string bikini…maybe slip on a button down top and roll it up so that it was like right at my bottom of my ribcage and suck my tiny tummy in as tight as i could and knot the top..pulling it as tight as possible so that my poor wittle tiny tummy and bellybutton were forced out more….
then i could call you and put the lid on the floor and lay facedown on it with the point in my innie while you talked to me about hurting my bellybutton. I know the real pain i feel would prolly be intense but if it made you giggle i would do it! if you wannted to be super mean then you could tell me to lay it in a chair and i could lay on it and lift my arms and legs off the floor and all my weight would be on my poor wittle innie bellybutton..i can’t imagine how bad that woudl hurt me but I would do it for you because..omg i cant beleive this but you totally get me all wet! i probably would have trouble getting a breathe like that so it would be kinda like the you were smothering me too! slowly torturing me until i black out from pain and lack of air! all the while you would be saying bellybutton and talking about hurting my bellybutton and laughing about it and bellybutton baring clothes you like to wear and just saying the word bellybutton so i associate pain with it!
let me know what you think and if you would seriuoulsy pwease think about trying it as you sound totally awesome …it would be a big first step in making me not like bellybuttons! remmeber though i would really be laying on the lid for real! not joking!! I look forward to us trying out the lid and chair for real if the you wanna!! omg looking at the lid as i type this..makes me very scared!! the point will probably do some real damamge to my cutie innie..but im sure you would dig that…giggle…so if totally messing up a fellow chick like me sounds like fun to you lmk!!!
April”

Sissy loser want’s to learn to suck a cock

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Fun email from my mailbag coming to you.

Miss Melissa.
I really want to learn how to suck cock.
To be honest, I’m very nervous and not a very good talker, so I’d like to take you up on your offer to just quickly introduce myself and let you take over, that sounds really amazing. Of course I’ll respond to you if you ask me a question, but I’ve never really done this so I don’t think I’d be able to keep up a conversation.

Anyway, I really do want to learn how to suck cock. I want to know how to take a cock in my hands and make it grow hard. I want to know what it’s like to slip it in my mouth and work it until it cums all over me. I basically want to be a good little cock sucker. I’ll admit also that although I desperately want to suck cock. The idea of it still scares me and I’ll probably need a little help getting started in this type of bi/gay activity.

Please, if you’re able to teach me and if you’re interested, let me know and I’ll call.

Thanks.
-Paul

When I get annoying emails like this that say, “i’m not a good talker” my first thought is, really do I want to teach a sissy who is going to sit there and make me do all the talking as I sit and blab at a wall. Please sissy loser, get a personality for a proper teaching. If you’re going to be shy they I’d hope your a master cock sucker to entertain the men since your lack of personality wont be shining through.

Call the girl you wish you could have, new callers to Niteflirt get 3 min free.

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