Hey freaks and geeks, this is a really gem of an email I received. I’m alway asked to tell crazy phone sex stories and this loser takes the cake with this freaky email. This loser is going to have to pay double my rate for me to role play that insane performance. Granted I would be amazing at it, I’m not really that into it but yet, it could be really amazing and well the humiliation stories after might be worth it. What do you suppose happened to this fucktard in childhood to conjure up this shit?

“I was looking at your profile and I was hoping we can do some calls. I should tell you about some fantasies of mine so maybe we can do some things on the fantasies. I thought it best to explain them some in an e-mail because you may not really be interested roleplaying them.

I would say that these fantasies started developing very early on in my child hood. I think most peoples kink tends to begin its evolution from that point in a persons life. I remember a dream that I had as a child. In the dream I was trapped inside of a car. There was no way out; the doors wouldn’t open. On the floor of the car there was this belt like things. I guess you could compare it to a small waist belt; less the buckle. The belt became animated and flew up from the floor; wrapping around the shifter in the center consul. It then started moving down the shifter and into the inner workings of the car. All I really knew was that something bad would happen when it got where it was going. It was going to cause something to happen that would hurt me. The car would normally be a safe feeling environment; something meant to protect you. It was about to be used against me to hurt me though. I think this was the key moment that sparked something deep down inside me to begin to develop. Over the years many other things contributed to its evolution; it came together with other fetishes and Ideas from horror and sci fi movies to grow into what it is today. The basic idea that is at the core of all the fantasies be it demonic, monsters, aliens… etc. is that something that is bad for me in some way uses a women to gain form for the purpose of getting to me. It would gain this from by infiltrating her reproductive system using it to develop a physical form when it had no physical form to begin with or if it was alien or monster it would start out as something small and harmless like pollen from an alien plant or a small monster/creature of some kinda would get into the womens womb in some way. Once there it would combine with her eggs and begin to grow inside her. It would all happen quickly. While it was growing inside her it would be forcing her body into orgasm after orgasm; preparing her pussy for it to come out by getting her all lubed up. when it finished growing; the orgasms would get more intense. It would cause her to feel compelled to spread her legs and start pushing. The more she pushed the more she would orgasm and the harder she would orgasm. It would not be like real child birth. It would be more so like the most intense sexual experience of her life. The things that come out of her would not be big to the point of incredible pain but big enough to hurt some, like a sexual kinda pain. The things coming out would be about the size of a larger, tentacley dildo or something. So one fantasy would be something along the lines of my girlfriend and I are out someplace secluded and some creature hiding there is threaten by my presence. so the vines of the plant would restrain us and the plant would then violate my girl friend to utilized her reproductive system for it to breed some kinda soldier/drone version of the plant that would mean harm to me because it does not want me there. I would be helpless to stop this from happening and have to watch my girlfriend be used to create and give birth to this thing that was coming after me. Another example would be from the movie Aliens with Sigourney Weaver. Any of the 10 Alien movies that have come out since the first one in 1986. In my version of Aliens. The face huger alien would go after my girlfriend and grab onto her pelvic region and pump all that stuff up into her womb. Soon after the baby alien would come out of her pussy and then grow into the bigger badder alien that the movie is known for.”

Anyone who’s read my site before is no stranger to the fact that I get insane calls and even more rediculous emails from callers. So many people ask me what kind of guys call phone sex lines and what do they talk about well, there are some like this schmuck. Ok so like, there’s this guy who calls one of my phone sex lines and I would say most of my calls are all relatively the same kinda call. Your basic loser humiliation, sissy blah blah you get the idea call. But then we have the gems that roll around every once and a while.
This freak who calls tells me he wants to be my dog and have me talk to him like he’s a dog. Take him for walks, to the park etc and fetch me money. If that wasn’t weird enough at the same time he wants me to keep hanging up on him and raise my per minute call rate each time. So after the rate has climbed a bit a little past $5.00 a minute he tells me as he’s panting like a freak that he wants to get jumped by other dogs and sniff their butts. While I’m taking this call I happen to be having drinks with my girlfriends and I put it on speaker phone. We were cracking up, how lucky for them to get to hear a higher echelon of losers who call phone sex lines with their freaky fetishes.
We got him to $10.00 a min as he was fetching our money ball and then getting his butt sniffed by the other imaginary dogs at the park.
Hysterical right? But the real funny part is this freak calls me the next day and wants to do the same thing over again and says “you wouldn’t video tape it would you” I respond with yes, I would video tape it and his response is “You’re weird” and hangs up on me.
Did I actually get called weird by what could be one of the top 20 weird calls i’ve EVER taken? Now that is comedy.
What do you think about that people? Comments welcome.

In another round of loser fan mail today comes this awesome religious based love letter. It’s not often that someone trys to save a filthy Jewish girl like me but then sometimes a gift like this comes along. He signed off Timmy, I wonder if its the one and only Tim Tebow trying to save my Jewish soul. God only knows the answer to this one!

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Melissa, do you know who said that? King David. I echo his sentiments. I leave you now, with fine memories of the road we walked together for a while. I trust you found some enjoyment from it as I did. You see, I have a God to whom I must return, and, as much of a thrill as it is to be with you, it is with Him that I belong.

You have been given beauty, intelligence, and the beginning of wisdom. Go paint a life of celebration and joy!

There is one who loves you more than I or your boyfriend ever could. He is Jesus, the Christ, and He stands in front of you with His arms wide open, saying, “Melissa, come to me and I will give you peace.” My prayer, dear Melissa, is that one day you will accept His invitation as I once did.

Love my gorgeous friend, Timmy”

Seriously, even I can’t make this shit up. Whomever you are Timmy sorry but not gonna happen.

Hanukkah one of my favorite times of the year because it means tripling up on gifts! Like most every other Jewish Princess on the planet its just another excuse to get gifts 8 days in a row which isn’t really out of the ordinary for me. This year my Daddy got my my very own Amex platinum to play with when I go to Europe in Feb. Hurrah for me, I love being a Jewish Princess!
So, like check out my UK pay pig cash slut camel jockey! I just couldn’t stop taking the losers money, I mean 8 full days means 8 big tributes. I did reciprocate and give him something back in return. I allowed him to cover most of his face because he knew the second I made him get on cam I was going to expose him and potentially black mail his dumb Arab ass.
For all my Niteflirt Jewish Princess lovers a spectacular holidazzle ass worship photo set has been sent out for you to rub one out to. I know what a drag it can be spending THAT much time with your boring family and you’ll need that escape to your oh so superior one. The chosen one thats me!

Happy back from Thanksgiving weekend, mine was absolutely decadent. Not that you’d expect anything other then that from this Jewish Princess. Our family friends have a winery up in Napa and my Jappy Boyfriend and I spent this year up there being wined and dined with the rich and a couple semi famous people. Oh look another gift has been bestowed upon me in the form of a Jewish submissive loser Lawyer named Larry. You all know I love showing off the freaks and losers who call me and here is a new one to add to the gallery of the sexually non gifted. From the first call it was love at first voice but it was really when he appeared on web cam that I nearly tinkled my La Perla panties with glee. I’m not sure if it was the flowing Farrah style wig or maybe it was the beard and the twinkle in his cock loving smile. Loser Larry is Jewish sissy from the Valley but lives in the OC now, he really doesn’t fit in the land of waspy goyim but he just can’t be himself here. He hates the fact that he was born a man so much that all he wants to do is get into that wig and slip on some lingerie to finally feel like the girl he was born to be.
He doesnt even jerk his cock off, he hates it and only rubs on it as if it’s his pussy. He’s really just a big fairy loser and he was just born that way. The really hysterical loser fun part is right before he’s going to make a big splooge of a mess he rubs on his clitty and starts to say over and over “We need to get rid of this diseased thing, We need to get rid of this diseased thing” and then Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! out comes the sissy lotion. Isn’t he just like totally hysterical he really makes me and everyone else who I’ve shared his photos with laugh our asses off. Well, its Cyber Monday and it looks like Im going to take all the awesome gift cards I got this weekend and use them up to by MYSELF whatever it is that I want. It’s always about Me isn’t it.

When I get idiot phone sex mail it feels like Hanukkah or for you goyim its that feeling like Christmas is near and you get fun things in your stocking. In today’s edition of Losers who send me hysterical pathetic phone sex emails we have resident idiot Michael.
“Hi..  Please respond if you are interested in my fantasy.
I would like to suck, gag and choke on my dildo while you relax with your pretty feet up and verbally abuse me without yelling.  When you want to hear me gag say “gag on dick” “when you want to hear me choke, say “chock on cock”. Only do the call please if you do not get grossed out by hearing a guy gag, choke and puke. You are free to do other things while I throat fuck myself like surf the web, read a book, study, watch tv. Just give me orders and verbally abuse my tiny 4 inch dick.  Also share with me how you will spend my money and how pathetic I am for paying you to abuse me. I will also be wearing panties, a black dress and nylon stockings, so feel free to tell me what a faggot bitch I am as well. Thanks!”
Clearly Michael doesn’t know me too well by reading this. A real submissive loser who knows me would know never ever to direct me on a call, ever. As if I care about your scripted fantasy loser! I say what I want to say when I want to say it. I love the part where he says “You are free to do other things like surf the web etc” Ohhhh wow really? I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want while on the call while listening to your stupid homo fantasy! Let’s be real about something here, this is no fantasy, we all know this freak actually has a needle dick and aches to have a cock crammed into his throat. Choke on THAT bitch!

Shalom geek squad! Some losers like to get all dressed of for Halloween on a once a year basis but, then we have idiot pigs like this schmuck goy loser. We have snort faced cheap phone sex loser Paul the pig who wears his snout weekly and plays in his tubby trough. This fucker is so cheap it’s unreal, he call’s for 5 min max just long enough for me to snap some pictures of him. His family must be so proud of this submissive filthy loser. Can you imagine what happened to this freak for him to be into this shit! I usually don’t like to give gross skinny pale losers like him any space on my site but, I did want to exploit that this cheap fuck is one pig faced loser. He proves that dressing up in a pig snout is’nt just for Halloween anymore. Pigwear is the new designer chic for losers didn’t you know? So make sure to get your snout out and give me a shout out at on Niteflirt .
This cheap phone sex loser is a prime example of a loser who likes to pretend he’s a financial domination slave but he’s not. The cheap phone losers are always the exact same in the phone domination world. When they call the first thing they say is, “Princess I want to give you all my money, please take it all”. That actually translates too “Princess I put $10 in and I want you to take all $10 of it”. Do you jizz stains actually think us seasoned phone dommes will fall for your cheap ass bullshit lines?
Money talks bullshit walks. So keep walking ass stain.

Happy Halloween party rockin freaks, I went old skool this year and did a few looks first I was a hot and sexy Britney Spears school girl outfit. That was the one party I went too where I would make guys get on their knees and I would park my big Jappy ass on there face and tell them they were the bleachers. It was kinda hot this one dork Brad who I see at every party my friend throws is always begging me to “go out sometime” even though I have zero interest and he knows it. So I asked him if he wanted to play a game of under the bleachers and he did. He got down on his knees and while I sat on his face grinding my cotton panty clad ass on him I called over my Jappy Prince and started to make out with him. I think I might have even let a little fart out! Gross but like I ate some ice cream and well ya know how dairy and the Jews are. He probably was hoping I would fart on his face because he was probably a fart fetish lover!
Anyway, It’s that time of the year again where I like to showcase the idiot stunts that my jerk off losers will do for me upon my Princess request. Here we have my closet sissy loser I like to call him Tommy Moronovitch because he’s such a moron for me. I know once he sees this he’s going to freak that I put his real name in. As if I give a shit! There’s only one way to get me to change that name….. $$$$$ cash, money loser! I love that I can get my loser posse to do whatever I want that like kinda gets me off a little. But not as much as a new piece of Louis Vuitton luggage does. Workin your wallet bitches! Happy Halloween

We have Scott M who wanted to know about Female ejaculation at The Daily What Tease. Some schmuck commented that obviously I have no idea what a G-spot was, um like douchchugger the question wasn’t about the G-spot and I can only imagine what kind of pussy squirting connoisseur you are (eyes rolling oh so Jappy). With that being said lick my squirting liquid love ya loser!

Ask a Sexpert of the Day: Scott M. writes:

I heard that any woman can have a squirting type of female ejaculation. I discussed this with my wife, and we decided to try it. I inserted my fingers and performed the come-hither with my finger to massage the area, but nothing happened.

Can any woman have this type of ejaculation? If so, what the hell could I have been doing wrong?

Great question, Mr. McSquirt! I’ve had this discussion with my girlfriends for years, and, from my many conversations on the subject of female ejaculation, I’m going to say that not every woman has that ability.

I am one of the fortunate ones who can have a fountain of an orgasm. I’ve never squirted from the move-your-finger-in-a-”come hither”-motion, what’s made me shoot was a nice big c*ck slowly sliding in and out — hitting me in all the right spots. Fingering might be a bit too high school to get your wife off. While you’re finger-banging her, she may not be relaxed enough because she’s being reminded of that time she played 10 minutes in heaven at Muffy Barrington’s house in tenth grade. You might want to try a nice solid and slow pounding, missionary-style, while guiding her to massage her clit. A glass of wine or a joint beforehand might help, too. The point is, being able to squirt is a state of mind more than anything, and being able to relax enough to focus on the pleasure taking place. Next time try 10 minutes of sensuous p*ssy licking. Then f*ck her deeply and slowly.

If that doesn’t make her squirt, she may just not be built for gushing. Don’t take it personally.

For more wisdom from phone-sex-domme Jappy Princess Melissa please email us your sex questions, and she’ll smarten you up with her sexpertise.

[NotANiceJewishGirl]

It’s so fun to get paid to talk about how superior Jewish Woman are, especially when it lasts a couple hours at a higher rate due to idiot goy boy taxation. We spent an hour talking about prominent Jewish noses and how when goy boy nose lover was a kid he was really into Barbara Streisand and was fascinated with her powerful nose. He loved the fact that she was so confident and powerful that she didn’t change that nose for anyone. She doesn’t need too Babs is fabulous and so are all the Jewish ladies who know the power they have with their divine prominent sniffers. Without those huge noses how would she smell all the cash she’s making and the roses at her mansions.
Love notes from losers.
“Yeah, I’d say that your nose is prominent.  Very nice bridge.  Your schnoz is big enough to be sexy, but I’ve seen bigger, loll. I love a hooked nose with a fleshy tip, a very prominent schnoz. You ARE nice but you have a lot of kutzpah and I love and respect that.  Across the street from where I live is my town’s Jewish Cultural Center.  Think I could meet a Jewess there?   Once we broke the ice, the call got better.  When you called me a stupid schmuck, I got a boner.  I love Yiddish.  I love the “sch” sounds the “z” sounds.  Don’t know why. 
Your goy boy and a very dumb schmuck, 
Jeff”