About Me



Jewish Princess Melissa is my name and being a Spoiled J.A.P is my game.
I’m a 100% Authentic Jewish American Princess, I’m a bitchy, spoiled, gold digging Jewish female; Raised in a wealthy household with a Dominant Diva Mother in Manhattan, Then moved to California only to become a Valley girl J.A.P. I’m selfish, high-maintenance to the point of sheer insanity, stuck-up, you know how you want me to be. I may seem to be superficial but I’m actually quite intelligent and very educated. Did I mention super cool. Don’t ask me if I have a job….. I’m a full time J.A.P. My job is to take your money and leave you high and dry.

What makes me the brattiest Jewish Princess of all time?

Let’s check out the statistics. Teachers lost their jobs just *trying* to date me. My rich-ass Daddy’s friends blew million-dollar contracts on their knees in my dining room, pleading for my attention. Why? Because I’m the girl you can’t say no to–and the girl who says nothing but NO to you. Maybe I remind your of cold, controlling Mother– or the rich girl in college who snickered at your attempts to “hang out some time.” Whatever, like I give a fuck: bottom line is, without a Benz, an Amex Black Card, and some serious real estate, you can lick the stinky cheesy toe jam out of my princess feet–as if I would even let you. Kneel down to kiss my fine, firm, bouncy, gravity-defiant ass and guess what happens: you’re gonna see your reflection in it–the picture of a needy, trembly, helpless, broke, ugly, stupid, hundred-proof loser ASS…that is to say: You.

Frequently Asked Questions.

Who the hell are you? Whats your name? Your age? Where do you live? What do you do? How long have you been doing it?
What , you don’t know who I am? I’m Jappy Princess Melissa, The girl you can’t say “no” to and the girl that say’s nothing but no to you. And seriously, you should know better then to ask a Woman her age thats so impolite! I live in Los Angeles in the Valley. Yeah that’s right, I said the Valley: I’m a Valley Girl. What I do is phone domination and humiliation. I’m, like, a professional wallet raper, dream maker and a whole bunch of other things I don’t think you really need to know about. Men call me with boner in hand and I laugh in their faces as they drool over what they will never have: me.

Your clientele: Are they all Jews? Who does this appeal to? Because I don’t really feel like fucking my mother, but maybe other Jew boys do. Or is it mostly goy?
The majority of my callers are total goyim. A lot of the goy-boys tell me about the bitchy Jewish girl from high school or college that they always wanted to date, but she was too much of a bitch to pay him any mind.
Then I come into their lives and bring that back for them, and confirm that their memories were correct: a Jewish Princess would never really want a goy-boy. So, the closest thing they are going to get to a Jewish Princess is by worshipping pictures of my pretty feet or licking my ass on the screen. I’ve had everything from Arabs wanting to be called camel-jockeys to hasidim who want me to make them sin, so I tell them I’m going to wrap their dick in bacon and have their wig-wearing wife suck it off with her fugly long denim skirt over her head. Thats just a small taste.

Are you religious?
I’m a reformed Jewess, look that up in wikipedia if you don’t know what that means.
Yes I eat bacon, I love pork and getting porked.

Do you only like Jewish Guys?
I only date Jewish men and prefer to only fuck Jewish men with really big cocks and even bigger wallets. Don’t you know thats why the rest of you poor shmucks make the best clean up boys.

Do you use Jewish shtick during the sex? I mean, if you’re getting a dude hard will you bust out with a bagel reference out of nowhere?
What kind of a pervert asks a question like that? My boyfriend is a member of the tribe of course, I’m strictly kosher when it comes to cock. I love his Hebrew hammer

Will you meet me?
Are you going to make it worth my while? Do you think you can impress my Jappy ass adequately? A $300 trip to Macys doesn’t exactly make me even twitch with interest so you better start saving your shekels if you even want to ask me.

How did you get into this?
I was born this way.

Got a Question, Email me at question@notanicejewishgirl.com